I MISS......

Something Missed: Having lived a long time, I have accumulated a lot of memories, and sometimes tend to marinate in life experiences...time for a good psychiatrist... one that quickly dispersed my anxiety, turned away disdain... simply by wagging his tail, sidling up to me and licking my hand...before he returned to his own concerns, and went outside and rolled on a dead fish.

I miss July vacations on my grandmother's farm... Running hard where everything was visible beneath a blue silk sky. Geometric days of feeding hogs, that awful boar....and gathering small brown eggs.  I miss granny who did the same work as a man, but her plain hair was a little bigger, hair that when she combed it for church didn't look any different.... Her first language was Ukrainian, her second, English, her third - silence.  I miss all the laughing uncles, drawing water at the well, and even the long walk to the outhouse with its year long load of turds.


I miss all those old friends that I no longer see....the boys behind the wheels of Chevy dinosaurs, the girls with bullet-proof, puffed up hair....all with sixteen year old smiles.

I miss the small town cafes from long ago vacations, the  mismatched, sometimes bent silverware, meat loaf the regular Wednesday blue plate special, and a little bit of Monday and Tuesday stuck to the menu.

Ex-husbands, ex-friends, the ex-you. Which, if any, do you miss?

Ever miss the disallusioned belief of a "Leave it to Beaver" life, and feel so close to being damned (because man can be so mean to man) that you can almost smell hell-fires burning?

I miss cuffed, corduroy pants, white socks, my braids, and a certain young boy's big, brown eyes.